MTV = Mindless Television November 12, 2009

 

I doubt I originated that quip but it certainly is true.  You can easily zone out to The Hills, The City, and Real World Road Rules: The Ruins.  I can and I have so let’s talk about what’s happening on them!

 

On The Hills, dumb pretty Audrina decided that after last week’s meeting, Justin is clearly not over her and since we’ve always known that she isn’t over him, it seemed (to her) absolutely appropriate to have dinner with him and tell him they should get back together.  The only problem: Justin didn’t agree and insinuated that he’s still interested in Kristen since she “did something different to him”.  What, fingered his ass???  I bet Aud would do that for you, too, JB — you just need to ask! 

 

Then we have that dumbass Spencer, who decided he was so concerned that Heidi was going to get knocked up that he went to a vasectomy consultation.  He assumed it was totally reversible whenever he wanted it to be, but when the doctor told him they considered that to be permanent because a reversal doesn’t always work, he skedaddled the hell out of there.  When Heidi found out, though, she reminded him that he knew damn well she wanted babies when they got married so marrying her must have been a huge mistake.  His response: a loss for words, which almost never happens!

 

Picking Up the Slack with Kristin Cavallari November 3, 2009

I got in trouble from a fan for not writing more recently, so I need to try to get back in the swing of things.  Let’s start off with some of The Hills.

 

Justin was a creeper and showed up at K-Cav’s house to make her dinner unannounced after telling her he’d join her at Brody’s bday festivities and never arriving.  That was Strike 1.  Strike 2 nearly occurred last week when he joked that he wasn’t coming to her party in the ‘bu but it turned out he was just playing games.  All of this after he met up with Audrina to tell her how he could “never say anything had ever been as good as Audrina Patridge.  Ever.”  That clandestine rooftop meeting may come back to bite him this week when the ladies get into over him.  I don’t know what Kristin is talking about in saying she won’t put up with his shit the way Audrina did; you already are and it looks like you’ll continue to.  All in the name of good ratings, right?

 

Speaking of good ratings, Kristin isn’t pulling them in.  At all.  Despite her reported $90k per episode paycheck (that’s ok, LC was making $125k) the ratings have slipped considerably.  When asked about it, she said it’s not fair to pin them all on her and that it’s up to everyone to keep it interesting.  Well, it doesn’t quite work that way.  Because they’re seasoned showrunners and you’re brand-new, so you kind of need to prove what you’re getting paid for.  The element that has changed is Kristin taking Lauren’s place, so shouldn’t we assume viewers don’t like the switch?

 

Brody and Jayde are up to their usual nonsense, bickering constantly and getting in public brawls, which inevitably end in Jayde accusing Brody of being insensitive even though she’s doing far more shit-slinging than he is, and Brody storming off and telling anyone within earshot “I’m done.  I’m done.  I’m so over this shit.”  Then be done with it and get back with Kristin — she says you’re vanilla in bed after all.  Oh wait, that wasn’t a compliment?  Ooops!

 

Everyone is crying “Drunk” on Holly and trying to tell her she needs to go to rehab.  Steph would know since she’s already been there and — oh yeah — just got pulled over for her 2nd+ DUI in a couple of years.  Pot?  Kettle?  Black.

3 Cheers for a Brody/Kristin Reunion! October 13, 2009

I soooo wish those two would get back together because I think they’re dolls together and I want to wretch all over that crazy ass Jayde.  Week after week I am severely disappointed in his decision to date her, since he’s just such a cutie.  Except tonight he was acting pretty rude, even though I think Jayde usually has it coming.

The biggest doozy for me was Kristin getting stood up by Justin Bobby at the bday party, with no word from him as to the no-show.  Kristin actually admits to being not cool with it since she’s developing feelings for him.  And her saying that she won’t put up with the same shit as Audrina?  Obviously a joke since next week he comes over to make her dinner and she says she could get used to it.  JB must have a magic penis or something because that dude gets away with everything and the girls just keep a-comin’ back for more.  It’s embarrassing to watch, actually!

Out of the previews, my jaw positively dropped at Audrina and JB meeting up for dinner and him telling her that not only is he not dating Kristin, but that he could never tell anyone that something better existed for him than Audrina Patridge.  Did not see that coming, but at the same time, it perfectly explains how he gets away with torturing women emotionally week after week.  He just makes each one feel more special than the last (or in this case, the current).

The Bitch is Back and Boy Did I Miss Her September 30, 2009

Last night’s premieres of The Hills and The City proved that being a bitch is always in style and more importantly, if you’re enough of one and come from a family with money, you can become famous for it. 

 

Let’s start with The Hills.  Lauren Conrad wasn’t much of a bitch, but Kristin Cavallari always has been and always will be.  But I like it.  LC was boring, but KC sure does bring some spice to The Hills.  You could easily have built a show just around her.  Other bitches on the show include Jayde Nicole, Brody’s girlfriend, who is more psycho jealous terror than bitch.  Then we have Stephanie Pratt, who wants so badly to be mean but she just can’t hack it.  Lo, but doesn’t even try and admitted that she didn’t want to be on Kristin’s bad side.  Lastly, poor Audrina who said that Kristin couldn’t have power to ruin their lives if they didn’t give it to her, then declined going to good friend Frankie’s party so she wouldn’t have to run in to her.  It seemed that Kristin didn’t do much to encourage Justin Bobby — mostly just acted like her usual chilled-out self, which keeps a steady stream of boys coming.  Yes, she’s a flirt, but this was mostly JB’s doing…

 

I’m quite interested to see who Jayde throws that drink at sometime this season.  That girl is trouble and I am shocked she and Brody are even still together — either she takes that rage to the sack or he’s lost his damn mind.  As for Speidi, well, what about them?  It was the usual crap: Spencer got his way on the “porno pad” while Heidi vaguely protested and then accepted it.  Good luck with that marriage!

 

What to Set Your DVRs For This Week… September 28, 2009

MONDAY:

Gossip Girl on the CW at 9:00

Rachel Zoe Project on Bravo at 8:00

TUESDAY:

Season Premiere of The Hills!  MTV at 8:30

Season Premiere of The City!  MTV at 9:00

Flipping Out on Bravo at 8:00

WEDNESDAY

Season Premiere of Real World Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins.  MTV @ 8

Top Chef Las Vegas on Bravo at 8

Cougar Town on ABC at 8:30

Eastwick on ABC at 9:00

THURSDAY

Real Housewives of Atlanta on Bravo at 8

Project Runway on Lifetime at 8

Grey’s Anatomy on ABC at 8

The Office on NBC at 8

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia on FX at 11

SUNDAY

Entourage hour-long season finale on HBO at 8

Desperate Housewives on ABC at 8

Dexter on Showtime at 8

Brothers & Sisters on ABC at 9

NEW STUFF TONIGHT! September 23, 2009

I’m so glad that the time is finally here that all the shows I’ve been blogging about for the past few months have arrived.  Tonight is no exception, as a couple of things are on that I’ve been anticipating.

 

COUGAR TOWN — I’m gonna give it a shot.  Not sure if it’s a winner yet, but if not, it’s only 23 minutes of my life that I can’t get back. 

 

EASTWICK — Same deal.  I love Lindsay Price from Lipstick Jungle — her wardrobe was the best thing that show had going for it, and I wanted nearly every single thing she wore.  That aside, Rebecca Romijn still has some Mommy weight on (I think she began filming about 4-6 weeks after her twins were born) and it seems like the shows as a whole could be entertaining.  This one’s an hour, though, so prepare yourself for that.  I will of course record and zoom through commercials. 

 

DANCING WITH THE STARS — No, I’m not watching it this season, but I know enough to realize that the results show is this evening.  I didn’t think it was possible to extend the thing any longer, but they actually spread it into three nights for the premiere: Guy’s Night, Ladies’ Night, and Results Night.  Are you rooting for someone? 

 

As always, TOP CHEF LAS VEGAS is also on, and luckily Real World Cancun has ended so I have a week of freedom from MTV (until both The Hills and the new RW/RR Challenge begin next week).

 

Don’t forget to set your DVRs!

Real World Cancun: Spring Breakers Reunite September 17, 2009

Je-sus.  The reunion show of Real World Cancun could give a girl whiplash is they were sitting on opposite sides of the screen from one another rather than lined up like little ducklings in two rows.  There was a lot of banter, and not much of it was nice.  Hmmmm, what were the highlights?

 

— Jonna is called out hardcore and she waffles between defending herself by denying certain things and admitting fault.  She knows she goes after guys that the other girls in the house like, but she doesn’t do it because she needs attention.  She doesn’t have threesomes back in her “real life” but did ask Ayiiia to participate in one.  The latter she also tried denying, but she was quickly squashed after Ayiiia said she had proof in writing that Jonna invited her into the hookup rather than her just hopping in with them.  She claims her and Pat are still a couple and working things out, but everyone else says he did it all to be on TV.  And based on the phone call where he hung up on her not even two days after that menage trois happened, I tend to agree with the rest of them. 

 

What’s on Tonight: Wednesday, 8/19 August 19, 2009

1.  Top Chef Masters: finale.  We’re down to 3 chefs and I can’t even recall which 3 it is, but I know that Hubert Keller is one of them and that’s who I peg as the winner.  All the past winners of the show will judge and decide the winner, along with regular judges Gail, Padma, and Tom.

2.  Speaking of those 3…the premiere of Top Chef Las Vegas is on!  I think we begin with 16 chefs competing, and who knows if being in Sin City will make things any dirtier (either within the house or politically in the kitchen).  The biggest downfall to any and all cooking shows is that although the food is generally visually stunning, it’s not tangible for the audience.  Although it may seem like only serious foodies would love this show, that’s not the case.  Drama will ensue whenever strangers are asked to bunk together and spend all day competing.

3.  And now speaking of strangers bunking together, we have Real World Cancun.  I don’t know the forecast for tonight, but I believe this is the episode where we will see Bronne fling the fire extinguisher from the balcony.  Is another roommate headed home tonight?  Check back and see for yourself!

Real World Cancun: Sleep it Off August 12, 2009

Hopefully you know by now that Joey’s home and he reported to the roommates via email that he was outrageously happy being there.  The roomies are a bit depressed with him being gone — everyone except Ayiiia.  Jasmine is still down on the whole Pat thing, and he continues rejecting her at every opportunity.  She drinks to drown the pain [sob].  After chugging vodka, red wine, and some other mysterious drinks, Emilee gets upset with her and tells her to quit drinking and go to bed.  Jasmine freaks out, yelling at Em to go chow down some Aderol.  The insults here in Mexico are getting watered down alongside the tequila.

All the roommates are at risk for going home the next day when they’re all late for work together.  Even though Jasmine was up plenty early, she chose not to wake the other roommates.  They go to an orphanage which resonates the most with the three that were adopted: Jonna, Emilee, and Derek.  They decide to host a Mardi Gras charity to raise money for the organization.

Peak Week Sad Goodbye August 5, 2009

This is a bunch of horny gremlins.  Meaning water aids the problem, and they’re in Cancun so it’s especially exacerbated.  Jasmine throws herself at Pat, he rejects her pretty hardcore.  Yet, she still goes for it again and once again is let down (not let down easy either).  Emilee’s hooking up with a chick that both Joey and Bronne tried to get with, Bronne diddles around with a Playboy model…yeesh, was she in the Beer Belly Coeds Edition?  Sick.  Joey brings another girl back, Derek brings a boy back, and Jasmine just punches/breaks thing while yelling about how she can’t get laid.  She ought to see her measly self ten years down the road +15 pounds, a gut from drinking too much, and a gravelly smoker’s voice, and realize it won’t get any better for her.