I watched everything!
— RACHEL ZOE PROJECT: tomorrow Rachel experiences a meltdown because we all know, and the gossip columns report on, how terrifyingly thin she is. Yes, that is her spine sticking out. If the bitch just gained some weight, she wouldn’t look like such an old hag. Fat plumps those wrinkles out, Rach. Look into it. Last Monday, Brad went to the Oscars with “Annie” Hathaway. I don’t like Anne. So I don’t care if he went with her. (Do you love that I talk about her as if I know her?) But I do likee the Liv Tyler and her comment about Dads in leather jackets gave me a good visual and a good giggle.
— FLIPPING OUT: Jeff’s old assistant Rachel quit and gave 15 minutes notice. So he hired the first guy he spoke to even after promising Jenni he would seek multiple candidates. And that guy didn’t work out either. He flirted with Jenni, with Zoila, with their client Chaz…men, women, older Spanish women. And basically, he got fired for it. I wonder how Chaz will feel when he doesn’t show up for a private yoga session with him? Crushed.
— PROJECT RUNWAY: zzzzzzz. Yep, that was me sleeping. I didn’t think Logan’s design was all that bad. I did think the spelling of Qristyl’s name was, though, so thank the lord it won’t be gracing the screen anymore. It broke more rules than my poor English-loving heart could bear. Far worse is this entire new season. They are losing me as the devoted watcher I once was, and they’re losing me fast. No amount of famous guest stars can turn it around either. It seems like a low-budget production. Which is interesting because we’re not supposed to notice that they changed networks but something is off. Maybe I can’t put my finger on it, but the pizzazz is lost. Get it together, Lifetime!
— REAL WORLD CANCUN: finale. Joey and Ayiiia had sex. I say that with no forewarning because it seemed obvious from the moment they made nice. Then Ayiiia felt guilty because she cheated on her boyfriend. I’m assuming they’re no longer an item because at the “Shit They Should Have Shown” reunion, her and Bronne were making out. Whatever. Real World got incestuous a helluva long time ago. They all said goodbye and it was fairly mundane. The unseen footage, though, was not — it was a fucking laugh riot. Emilee’s falling, the guys wrestling, all the hookups that didn’t make it to camera, Bronne idolizing Jonna’s ex Matt (who refused to pick her up at the airport upon her return, go figure when she hooked up with half of Mexico). It was all there, and it was splendid. Let’s reunite next week for the Reunion Show, which is where the good stuff happens.
— TOP CHEF LAS VEGAS: First, Jessie went home after the newly revised and scarier Quickfire. Her lip piercing seemed unhygienic and I’m not sorry she went, she was in the bottom for everything anyway. Ironically, the other chubby redhead, Kevin, won the quickfire and was not only granted immunity, he sat in with all the smug Frenchies and judges during the meal the next evening. The Hispanic gentleman went home for butchering his meat. One of the brothers, Brian perhaps, won the whole thing for his wonderful fish. And oh, how I wish I could taste it all. Such a disappointment.
— REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA: wow. I saw them on Ellen premiere week and they were something I hadn’t seen before….a whole group of hot messes. The bickering and yelling and the amount of big leg hanging out and fake hair on that stage were mind-boggling. Anyway, on Thursday’s episode Kim took her pudgy and demanding youngest daughter on a shopping spree and spent about $4k. Again, HOW does she pay for this? I guess we find the answer when Big Papa returns in two weeks and sweeps her away to the Bahamas — she needed to so he could give her a payment since she’s been racking up quite a credit card bill lately. Lisa’s fashion line came out and Sheree made a complete fool of herself by showing up after the runway show and wearing jeans and a hoodie sweatshirt. That alone was quite a statement since she gets facials wearing Dior couture and shit. Translation: Lisa, your fashion line is such doody that I couldn’t even bother to get out of my most tragic clothing and show up for you. P.S. I’m jealous since my Mercedes Benz Fashion Show got the shitcan when I insisted they escort me in a Maybach, a car worth more than my own house…
Poor, tragic bitches.
DVR Diva 