Kim & Big Papa Split! October 14, 2009

Again! 

 

Well, it sure is tough to be engaged to a man that’s married to someone else, lives with that person, and has six kids…isn’t it?  Kim sure didn’t seem to think so, and is still calling Papa “the love of her life.”  So what happened? 

 

Obviously, he kicked her ass to the curb.  Watching Kim spend all season racking up charges on her mysterious Black MasterCard (you can only get one if you spend $250k per year) and claiming Papa doesn’t pay for it — uhhh, who are we kidding here, really, Kim? — you have to assume she wouldn’t ditch that money train a second time around. 

 

Good luck finding another guy to pick up the slack of a Mercedes, an Escalade, a Bentley, pink diamond bracelets and loads of other jewelry, including an engagement ring the size of my knuckle.  Not to mention the shopping sprees for her chub offspring and the townhouse she lives in.  The woman has no income, people!  How else can she afford these things unless she pays with her vagina?

RZ Finale Curveball October 12, 2009

I was wrong that Paris was the finale, because it was this week.  We saw more of Taylor losing her shit and Brad in short shorts.  And we discovered a male model whose name might escape me, but the visual of his biceps will not.  Basically, Rachel’s health problems got bad enough that she’s decided to make some changes, and in the last 2 minutes we saw what those changes will be.  Taylor really is going to be heading the product development line, Brad’s going to be staying put, and Rachel’s going to alleviate stress by backing up and….letting Rodger be the new boss.  That’s right.  Next season we get to enjoy watching him butt heads with his wife’s employees, and RZ already warned them that Rodg won’t be nearly so lenient about their childish behavior.

That is lit-rilly BA-nanas.

What to Set Your DVRs For This Week… September 28, 2009

MONDAY:

Gossip Girl on the CW at 9:00

Rachel Zoe Project on Bravo at 8:00

TUESDAY:

Season Premiere of The Hills!  MTV at 8:30

Season Premiere of The City!  MTV at 9:00

Flipping Out on Bravo at 8:00

WEDNESDAY

Season Premiere of Real World Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins.  MTV @ 8

Top Chef Las Vegas on Bravo at 8

Cougar Town on ABC at 8:30

Eastwick on ABC at 9:00

THURSDAY

Real Housewives of Atlanta on Bravo at 8

Project Runway on Lifetime at 8

Grey’s Anatomy on ABC at 8

The Office on NBC at 8

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia on FX at 11

SUNDAY

Entourage hour-long season finale on HBO at 8

Desperate Housewives on ABC at 8

Dexter on Showtime at 8

Brothers & Sisters on ABC at 9

Only Old Stuff Returning Tonight September 24, 2009

GREY’S ANATOMY.  I stopped watching last year when Izzie was having sex with a ghost even though producer Shonda Rimes claimed she didn’t have a brain tumor, she was lying and that pissed me off.  If you’re going to put a main character through such a shitty arc because she says negative things about the storylines you give her, at least cop to it or cut the girl loose.  You may have retained me as a viewer if you got rid of Izzie Stevens.  I think she’s a complete bitch in real life.  But if I’m wrong and this season’s good, feel free to let me know and I’ll reevaluate my take on things.

 

IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA.  Oh, it’s on. 

 

THE OFFICE.  Since they don’t show previews, I don’t know what’s set to happen this week.  What I do know is this: we’ll continue hearing about Pam and Jim’s baby and though Dwight and Angela broke up a while ago, they may not be done.  I can’t promise any of this for tonight, but I can promise Michael hijinks! 

 

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA.  Actually, I think that would be a “new” thing and the reason is that Big Papa is on for the first time!  I doubt we’ll see his face, but we’ve never even seen his car so this is kind of a big night.

 

PROJECT RUNWAY.  I’m clinging on but I’m not thrilled about it.  I love fashion, but I think my problem is that everything that is coming down that runway right now seems like it’s been done in a past season.  I’m having the same problem with Top Chef.  Deja vu x2.

NEW STUFF TONIGHT! September 23, 2009

I’m so glad that the time is finally here that all the shows I’ve been blogging about for the past few months have arrived.  Tonight is no exception, as a couple of things are on that I’ve been anticipating.

 

COUGAR TOWN — I’m gonna give it a shot.  Not sure if it’s a winner yet, but if not, it’s only 23 minutes of my life that I can’t get back. 

 

EASTWICK — Same deal.  I love Lindsay Price from Lipstick Jungle — her wardrobe was the best thing that show had going for it, and I wanted nearly every single thing she wore.  That aside, Rebecca Romijn still has some Mommy weight on (I think she began filming about 4-6 weeks after her twins were born) and it seems like the shows as a whole could be entertaining.  This one’s an hour, though, so prepare yourself for that.  I will of course record and zoom through commercials. 

 

DANCING WITH THE STARS — No, I’m not watching it this season, but I know enough to realize that the results show is this evening.  I didn’t think it was possible to extend the thing any longer, but they actually spread it into three nights for the premiere: Guy’s Night, Ladies’ Night, and Results Night.  Are you rooting for someone? 

 

As always, TOP CHEF LAS VEGAS is also on, and luckily Real World Cancun has ended so I have a week of freedom from MTV (until both The Hills and the new RW/RR Challenge begin next week).

 

Don’t forget to set your DVRs!

Fashion-Forward Monday September 21, 2009

Tonight is quite the night for 20something girls with Daddy’s credit card.  Both Gossip Girl and Rachel Zoe Project are on, and as always both will have us admiring the checkbook-unfriendly ensembles. 

 

I read that Rachel Zoe will be suffering from exhaustion and pass out on tonight’s episode.  Funny, I’ve heard that phrase before from the publicists of some of Rachel’s former clients like Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie.

 

In the Upper East Side, the gang goes to NYU and I personally cannot wait until Blair discovers that Georgina is her new roommate or when Dan tells Blair she isn’t allowed to wear headbands anymore — a Waldorf wardrobe staple as most of you know.  I saw a quote the other day from none other than Victoria Beckham, who said she is “ridiculously addicted” to Gossip Girl.  I’m glad I’m not the only one!

Is Tonight a Good Night for TV? You Betcha! September 17, 2009

And I’m sure you’re wondering why.  As I’ve recently learned, I happen to maybe offend people right here on this blog.  Some would call me crass, some a downright biotch, but hopefully most find me to be a witty delight.  If not, I suspect you’re on the wrong blog and need to be moving on over to Watch with Kristin’s far more conservative use of vocabulary. 

 

On that vein, we’ve got some viewing pleasure coming atcha this evening that could offend almost anyone: it’s the return of It’s Almost Sunny in Philadelphia and tonight, the Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis.  Let me just tell you that if you do not watch this show, you are missing out on something special.  It may be zany to say the least, but FX is bringing us a show that I believe to be a true marker of our generation, much like some feel South Park is.  It’s not PC in the slightest, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.  In fact, they keep that sucker out of rotation and off the air until 11pm so either record it or plan to stay up late (or late for me at least). 

 

Additionally, we have always-amazing The Office on NBC and Real Housewives of Atlanta to boot and Kim is using the ol’ smoker’s singing voice for us.  As for The Office, I don’t actually know what to expect but what I do know is that we left last season with a prego Pam and Michael back in his rightful spot at Dunder Mifflin. 

 

Party?  Hearty.

A Recap on the Week’s TV Happenings September 13, 2009

I watched everything!

— RACHEL ZOE PROJECT: tomorrow Rachel experiences a meltdown because we all know, and the gossip columns report on, how terrifyingly thin she is.  Yes, that is her spine sticking out.  If the bitch just gained some weight, she wouldn’t look like such an old hag.  Fat plumps those wrinkles out, Rach.  Look into it.  Last Monday, Brad went to the Oscars with “Annie” Hathaway.  I don’t like Anne.  So I don’t care if he went with her.  (Do you love that I talk about her as if I know her?)  But I do likee the Liv Tyler and her comment about Dads in leather jackets gave me a good visual and a good giggle.

— FLIPPING OUT: Jeff’s old assistant Rachel quit and gave 15 minutes notice.  So he hired the first guy he spoke to even after promising Jenni he would seek multiple candidates.  And that guy didn’t work out either.  He flirted with Jenni, with Zoila, with their client Chaz…men, women, older Spanish women.  And basically, he got fired for it.  I wonder how Chaz will feel when he doesn’t show up for a private yoga session with him?  Crushed.

— PROJECT RUNWAY: zzzzzzz.  Yep, that was me sleeping.  I didn’t think Logan’s design was all that bad.  I did think the spelling of Qristyl’s name was, though, so thank the lord it won’t be gracing the screen anymore.  It broke more rules than my poor English-loving heart could bear.  Far worse is this entire new season.  They are losing me as the devoted watcher I once was, and they’re losing me fast.  No amount of famous guest stars can turn it around either.  It seems like a low-budget production.  Which is interesting because we’re not supposed to notice that they changed networks but something is off.  Maybe I can’t put my finger on it, but the pizzazz is lost.  Get it together, Lifetime!

— REAL WORLD CANCUN: finale.  Joey and Ayiiia had sex.  I say that with no forewarning because it seemed obvious from the moment they made nice.  Then Ayiiia felt guilty because she cheated on her boyfriend.  I’m assuming they’re no longer an item because at the “Shit They Should Have Shown” reunion, her and Bronne were making out.  Whatever.  Real World got incestuous a helluva long time ago.  They all said goodbye and it was fairly mundane.  The unseen footage, though, was not — it was a fucking laugh riot.  Emilee’s falling, the guys wrestling, all the hookups that didn’t make it to camera, Bronne idolizing Jonna’s ex Matt (who refused to pick her up at the airport upon her return, go figure when she hooked up with half of Mexico).  It was all there, and it was splendid.  Let’s reunite next week for the Reunion Show, which is where the good stuff happens.

— TOP CHEF LAS VEGAS: First, Jessie went home after the newly revised and scarier Quickfire.  Her lip piercing seemed unhygienic and I’m not sorry she went, she was in the bottom for everything anyway.  Ironically, the other chubby redhead, Kevin, won the quickfire and was not only granted immunity, he sat in with all the smug Frenchies and judges during the meal the next evening.  The Hispanic gentleman went home for butchering his meat.  One of the brothers, Brian perhaps, won the whole thing for his wonderful fish.  And oh, how I wish I could taste it all.  Such a disappointment.

— REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA: wow.  I saw them on Ellen premiere week and they were something I hadn’t seen before….a whole group of hot messes.  The bickering and yelling and the amount of big leg hanging out and fake hair on that stage were mind-boggling.  Anyway, on Thursday’s episode Kim took her pudgy and demanding youngest daughter on a shopping spree and spent about $4k.  Again, HOW does she pay for this?  I guess we find the answer when Big Papa returns in two weeks and sweeps her away to the Bahamas — she needed to so he could give her a payment since she’s been racking up quite a credit card bill lately.  Lisa’s fashion line came out and Sheree made a complete fool of herself by showing up after the runway show and wearing jeans and a hoodie sweatshirt.  That alone was quite a statement since she gets facials wearing Dior couture and shit.  Translation: Lisa, your fashion line is such doody that I couldn’t even bother to get out of my most tragic clothing and show up for you.  P.S. I’m jealous since my Mercedes Benz Fashion Show got the shitcan when I insisted they escort me in a Maybach, a car worth more than my own house…

Poor, tragic bitches.

What’s On This Week: 9/8 through 9/10 September 7, 2009

I’m out of town this week, so you’ll have to wait for my recaps upon my return.  In the meantime, here’s a quick list on what shows to focus on this week:

FLIPPING OUT.  Jeff Lewis’ assistant Rachel apparently quit for good last week, causing Jeff to feel broken up with.  So he obviously needs a new assistant and the new guy is a…felon?  Huh.  I’m surprised he even got hired.

90210.  The second season returns on Tuesday and even though that’s another one I don’t tune in for, I do like me some Lori Loughlin.  That woman has aged well.  Minus the overly-Bo’d forehead and too much lip plumper, those don’t look so grand.

Alter Ego Photo Shoots — Atlanta’s New Way of Emphasizing Split Personalities September 4, 2009

These bitches are all fake as shit, so what better way to put that on display than to do an alter ego photo shoot with a celebrity photographer.  Apparently these shoots are all the rage — Jennifer Hudson, Diddy, Kanye, all have them.

So why shouldn’t Kim, Nene, Lisa, Kandi, and Sheree?  Lisa’s up first with hers and she represents a Girl Scout to play nice, and a Dominatrix-looking leather-wearing hottie to be the baddie kicking that Girl Scout’s ass.  Kandi decides to be a drunk driver and her victim based on the fact that her fiancee’s nephew is in the hospital after being hit by a drunk driver.  Sheree vamps as both a fashionista and the woman mugging her, and Kim does the least exciting thing ever by playing a Stepford wife (and complaining about how awful the short, dark wig is) and the mistress — hardly a stretch of the imagination.  Nene’s up last and all I can say about her as a stripper is this: my husband walked into the room while this was on, gasped, looked at me like I was a loon, asked me what the HELL I was watching, turned on his heel and left.  So much for Nene’s sex appeal…