King Tut Ain’t Got Nothin on Nene Leakes August 20, 2009

Hello, you loyal followers of Real Housewives of Atlanta.  Are you as “meh” about Kandi Burress as I am?  First, she buys into all of Kim’s bullshit about singing.  Could this woman really have chosen not to watch last season to see what Kim is about?  She even managed to throw in there about how she lunched with Dallas Austin, and then scheduled something to visit Kandi in the studio soon.  Then her fee-ohn-say offended Dwight by constantly Blackberrying at the King Tut exhibit.  Kandi’s mom isn’t charmed by the relationship, but if Dwight also doesn’t approve that’s the real kiss of death.

I feel as if I spend most episodes now questioning to myself, ‘How can Kim afford this lavish lifestyle with no billionaire boyfriend?’  And it’s a complete mystery!  A nanny, Velashape, the Mercedes, expensive clothing?  The hair maintenance alone must cost a fortune.  And regarding Kim, her tits are suddenly all up in our business — did they get bigger or did the clothes get smaller?  Because I preferred when she left something to the imagination.

What’s On Tonight: Thursday, 8/20

Oh, what a night this is for us fashion-and-drama addicted schlubs. 

 

1.  PROJECT RUNWAY — There’s at least two hours of viewing pleasure right there, as they are doing a “Star Challenge” before the premiere of the new season.  The Challenge will star some of the older contestants and winners like Jeffrey Sebelia and Santino Rice.  Then we move on to the premiere itself.  With the looooong hiatus the show had to take between networks, it ramps up the excitement that much more. 

 

2.  REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA — They’re doing some extra-long extended version of last week’s episode before airing a new episode.  I probably won’t watch the additional tidbits because I’ll be too caught up in a PR frenzy to do so. 

 

Happy viewing!

New Olympic Sport: The Weave Yank August 15, 2009

Though I’m tardy in my synopsis, the only word that can sum up Thursday’s episode is: YEESH.  People are making trouble down there in the land of the peaches.

Last week Sheree went shooting with Tania, and that hooker made another snarky appearance this week.  She is a first-class bitch.  She told Lisa to “do something with all that stuff” about her hair and talked about pushing her in the pool several times.  Regarding herself, she said she’s so tiny she has room to grow to Nene’s size and that she’s 37 and doesn’t look it at all.  Well, flatter yourself much?

I Don’t Care One Lick About This New Housewife August 6, 2009

I’m already over Kandi Burress.  I think they could have stuck with just four women and been fine.  This doesn’t improve the equation.  Here’s what she gets up to: visiting her mom, who isn’t happy about Kandi’s choice of fiancee.  Her aunts start spouting off about Aunt Beebo, Uncle Booley, and Aunt Hazel.

Nene calls Kim for a make-up sesh, not to be confused with a make out sesh.  She wanted it to be all four women, but Kim said she’d rather meet Nene alone.  We then see Kim trying on an assortment of over-the-top crazy expensive clothing with her giant titays hanging all out.  I had questioned before now if they were real or not because they seem super saggy for fakes but now I’m sure they are and I believe that maybe she had em done before she had children.  Oh, wait, she just announced they were fake.  Wow, I didn’t need to be such a sleuth.  Why do they hang so low and wobble to and fro?!

What’s on Tonight: Thursday, 8/6

The only thing that matters tonight is Real Housewives of Atlanta.  I cannot tell you how many of my friends and family, in knowing that I’m an RH addict, have called me up to quiz me on what exactly is going on with Kim’s hair. 

 

The answer is that unlike last season, when I’m pretty sure she was wearing a hair piece or extensions of some kind, she went full fledged this season with a wig.  Yes, a real, kerfuffled, blonde mop top that looks to be made of straw and acrylic.  And man, what I would give to see what that head of hair underneath looks like.  Truly, is it so bad that she has to cover it with something that looks like that?  I think the real problem is that Big Poppa cut her off, so she can’t afford premium weaves anymore.  It’s so tragic, but I think she should shed light on it by starting a club with Britney Spears about women who can afford better but think they rock it. 

 

Watch tonight at 8 and we can all wig out about it together — har dee har.

Bethenny & Season 3, More Housewives Dish August 4, 2009

Bethenny Frankel is someone that I used to be able to handle but I don’t love her anymore.  The biggest reason why is all the blogging she’s done about the other casts/seasons — I’ve tried reading a couple but she comes off as judgmental, harsh, and most of all, bitter.  Some of those things are what caused audiences to love her in the first place, but I’m the first to say that sometimes too much of a good thing is just that: too much.  My hubs was trying to tell me the other day that he read some article that her new pseudo-boyfriend is some type of fraud and isn’t actually an investor or in real estate or whatever it is that this guy supposedly does.  I don’t care enough to Google him, and that’s saying something because 20 minutes ago I tried to Google a Colorado Wildlife commercial to figure out what type of weird bird was featured in it. 

 

Locks of Love? In Atlanta, It’s Wigs for Wisdom. July 30, 2009

With every season of Real Housewives, I find myself exclaiming, “Oh my God, these Housewives are the BEST franchise.”  Until another season starts, to which I again decide that ‘No, theeeeese ones are the best!’  And there’s a reason for that; because they’re each, in their own way, the very best.  Jersey has the best accents and the women who live up to the title of Housewife most appropriately, and they appear to have the most money.  Orange County has the most fake tits and most inappropriate attire for middle-aged women.  New York has Jill, who’s simply the best all on her own (I love me some Jill — even Bobby is the best).  And Atlanta is hands-down the best drama.

Now, Danielle brought drama.  As did Gretchen.  But each of the Hotlantas is really all about the drama.  Even Lisa, who I thought was immune.  But now she hates Kim.  And Sheree is over Kim.  And NeNe is the most willing to give Kim another shot, which means that NeNe has sure mellowed out since Season 1.

Lordy Lordy! Hotlanta Lost Footage Revealed. July 27, 2009

“Do I feel guilty about treating myself every once in a while?  No, I do not.” — quote by Sheree about maintaining a fabulous lifestyle despite an economic downturn (uhh, and no apparent income other than alimony and child support).

I think these women live outside the realm of reality, because if they think that buying thousands of dollars worth of shoes as a single divorced mother of 2 is treating themselves every once in a while, they need a forceful slap upside the noggin.  These Real Housewives of Atlanta are straight ridonculous.

Kim is asked point-blank if Big Papa funds her lifestyle and the answer is yup, he sure does.  Wow, to think he can afford that even with 6 or so kids (AND A WIFE) of his own.  Pretty impressive, Pa-pa.  Nene’s Kim imitation was dead-on.  The hair quality of that wig actually looked better than that whack-ass weave Kim has.

Putting the Premieres Into One Post July 9, 2009

How does that sound?  I can’t keep bouncing back and forth talking about all the different networks and the offerings they will soon have for us, so I’m putting all MY shows (and some that I know are favorites but that I personally don’t watch) down right now.